One Day, The King’s Court

My life is but a curtsy,
My life is but a kiss.
A testament of His love
That will one day end in bliss.

I no longer bask in darkness.
Instead, I shine with light.
Because I did make a choice
Regarding Him and His free life.

Tests may come in droves
But tests they come and go.
And there is not a trial,
That His love can’t overthrow.

He has me with His promises.
I am safe within His grasp.
And I will fly His standard
Till I breathe my very last.

To Him be all the honor,
Power and all the glory.
The completer of all circles
The champion of all stories.

 

Have you ever read any stories of being to a King’s Court? I have. Historical romances I read in the 90’s. Do you know the song, “I Can Only Imagine” by Mercy Me? I imagine myself as being one that covers her face and drops to my knees speechless. Not caring that it may cause pain.

During episodes, I normally end up getting hurt. Self-inflicted through some means or another. Dropping to my knees, running into brick walls, throwing myself against doors. I dance for Him in my own way. In my own broken way. In my own confused way. I will be a fool for Him, I will be intelligent for Him, I will, be whatever He would have me be for Him. But I do it best when I am psychotic. At least that’s what I tell myself. My family, my husband, my peers may cringe. But God knows me. Knows what I need, knows how I operate.

This is me. It’s not pretty normally. But I am learning to dress up, like one might do when they are little. I go back to being just a child. Looking in adoration at my Abba, Father. Drawing strength from what He puts before me. Still trying for, more of Jesus, less of me. And trying to love Him who I used to fear. As a writing friend put it in one of her posts, “maybe I feared failing.” So now I can look at my fear of commitment in a more positive light. And grow. 

This poem was mainly written in the hospital near the end of my stay (4/1/20-4/15/20). Finalized this a.m. (4/22/20)

 

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